Genessis

I know the sky rejoices today with the addition of a new, bright and beautiful star. And, the earth-bound folks left behind are grieving and feeling the deepness of pain and loss. This is the balance of life. I accept it, although it's not easy.

I have been with death many times during my 51 years of life. And, I type this knowing that I have already outlived my sweet friend by 24 years. I think of this because I am always aware of my own age with regard to another person I love who died young - my mother. She was 30.

Genessis, our sweet friend who left her body last night at 10:15pm, was a mere 27. And, in truth, she lived a full and colorful life, soaking up experiences and making friends with hundreds of people along the way, and leaving an imprint that nothing shall diminish. She lived more in those few years than most people do in 80. She was a warrior until the end and I am proud to have known her. I have yet to write about my experience beyond a few words here and there, but today it's time.

I met Genessis at parties, through other friends, but only got truly acquainted with her when she came to my home on May 1, 2017 to receive reiki - having recently been diagnosed with a rare and mostly incurable cancer. When she walked into the space, there were three of us here. Me, Toby and our mutual friend and fellow intuitive/healer, Amanda. Another friend, Kelly, came later to join us. Up to this point, I had no idea what kind of cancer Genessis had, where in her body it was located, or what the prognosis was.

What I can say with all honesty is that when she walked into the room and especially when she lay down on my table, I knew exactly where it was, as I was drawn to a part of her body I'd later find was where the tumor lived. We worked on her for a long while, as Toby gave her sound healing, we moved our hands over her body and I felt the heaviness and intensity of this growth, feeling inside but not sharing until now, that she may well succumb to it. I can only say it felt aggressive. But I was, as always, wanting to be hopeful and hold space for the best possible outcome. And until recently, still held some amount of that hope.

Since that day, I grew closer and closer to her and her partner, another friend named Jon. I found inside myself a calling to be of service to them both, and to be a support and sounding board for them during a journey no one wants to take. For a year, she fought and made jokes along the way, ever-intent on not letting this illness take away her "Genessis-ness" as Jon has said. She endured months of chemo, mountains of pain and discomfort and last night, finally surrendered and let go.

As I said I have been with death. More than I have wanted to, and more than many folks I know. My mother took her life when I was a child, my close high school friend was murdered, another committed suicide, aunts, uncles, fathers of friends, dear friends of mine, all died. My own father snuffed out his own life as well and I sat vigil with him as he went, and with many of others in the final months, days, hours before they transitioned. Many of them died from cancer. Many more still beyond this list, and with each it was either a shock or a strange and awkward path to walk as the mere subject of death is triggering for many people, and so when someone we love is dying, it's often a sudden shock, or a silent and excruciating journey to the end. Not only is the life lost, but feelings are not expressed, things are not completed with the dying person and most are left feeling empty and shattered in the wake of it, unsure how to even grieve and move on.

Not this time. I feel deeply honored and privileged to have been able to walk alongside this beautiful young creature as she fought for her life, then surrendered to the inevitable, and then finally embraced her own death. I still am in awe of her grace and strength and integrity. I fear my words fail to express it all, as I am truly forever changed by helping to usher her on and by being part of the community that held her through it. Her beautiful and loving family in particular, amazes me. Their dignity, strength, and love have moved me to my core. I am incredibly grateful to have met them and share in this experience.

For me personally, I was given so many gifts that it's impossible to impart them all here. A deep and growing friendship with Jon, a connection to her family and a much deeper love and connection with this community, and even a psychic link to her past. I have seen so much beauty inside the pain that it has reframed my own experience and feelings about death and dying. I am thankful.

I have been a medium for most of my life, though only in recent years, have given it the honor and energy it deserves. Genessis' great grandmother came to visit me one night, several weeks ago, waking me from sleep around 4am. This is a common thing with spirit, as the veil is thin during the wee hours, and continues to be throughout the process when someone is dying. She appeared to be agitated at first and was raising her voice to me saying, "Abuela, abuela!!!!" She clearly wanted me to know who she was to Genessis. I had no idea she had a great grandmother who had passed, but upon seeing her and receiving her message, I shared it with the family and Jon and discovered who she was. Once she had my full attention, her agitation became a sweet and loving smile and she told me she was waiting for Genessis. She appeared to me in a mint green dress standing in a doorway and saying, "I am waiting. This continues, there is no end." She was making a gesture with her hands in the shape on an infinity sign. It was a powerful experience. Again, I felt deeply honored.

Last night, upon getting word of Genessis having slipped into a coma, I built a small altar in our bedroom, and lit a candle for her and as I did so, I felt her and knew she was leaving. I text Amanda and she said the words as well. Later we discovered that our messages to each other were within 2 minutes of Genessis' last breath. Powerful, Humbling. Truth.

In the last few weeks of her life, Genessis asked for and allowed me and my husband to give her sound baths up till the end, me to give her reiki, and for us to sing to her, to hold her, to stroke her hair and tell her she is loved. We also created a benefit here for her and another friend, Min, also challenged with cancer. We were able to raise over $4000 and it was a rich, poignant and moving experience.

And every step of this process has been so painful and at once incredibly beautiful. I had many opportunities to be with her, to be with her failing body and her undying spirit, and to share in the realness of what was happening. And I spent much of the past few weeks in awe.

Genessis, the powerhouse that she was and is, chose to work with a death doula and create her own "living wake" where 100 of her friends could gather, with her present in the room, to say and do all the things we would at a funeral after her passing. She allowed her cremation casket to be brought into the space and decorated, so that she may be carried out held by messages of love and light. We sound bathed her and everyone, we sang to her, we lit candles and rejoiced in who she was and her impact on us all. It was truly one of the most humbling and profound experiences of my life.

Another gift - It has now given us another avenue of service to pursue - to share our music with other families going through this. So many gifts, really. I feel I will keep discovering them for a long time.

My new truth: If this young woman can live with such passion and die with such grace, so can I. And I want to. I want to honor the life I have, and soak in every juicy moment of it. And as I told Genessis that day at her living funeral, I will never, ever forget her and the impact she has made on my life.

My husband held me last night as I sobbed and let my heart crack further open with the reality of her leaving, and when I became silent, he softly said the words to me, "And now, we live."

And we will.

I will live powerfully, passionately and fully, and I won't wait.

I love you, Genessis. You have created a new beginning for us all.





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