Thanking myself

It was around this time 9 1/2 years ago that I took a stand for myself and my son and finally got fully out of a dangerous and toxic relationship with a man who had abused, gaslighted, and terrified me and my child, and who then stalked and tormented me for 2 years after I threw him out. It took a LOT to get away, to get help, to get restraining orders and to get safe. But I did it. 

It took even more for me to do the deep dive into myself to see why I had chosen him. Why I did not love myself, respect myself, or cherish mySELF. I had to claim my self-worth and to finally stop living for everyone other than me, in order to change the course I my life. 

I realized that I had spent most of my life re-creating the familiar trauma I had always known. I partnered with people who hurt me, as I believed that is what I deserved. That realization was the space from which I could forgive myself. I was only doing what I was taught, and what had been given to me from a very young age. I had to unlearn it. So thankful that I was able to.

Many years of healing work, of looking honestly at my wounds and of forgiving myself and those who had harmed me, and of sharing my story, all brought me to the place I am now:

I have a grounded, loving partner who lifts me up, celebrates me and with whom I am completely safe, truly loved, and deeply cherished. I have friends who honor, respect, like, and celebrate me. I have family I adore. I know my worth. I also take no shit. I speak my truth. I express myself fully and without apology. I am kind, and also true and clear about my boundaries and about who I am. 

I have my community and my husband to thank for holding the space within which I could rise to my true self, to be seen, heard and held in loving light. This is not something I could have even imagined 10 years ago. It's like I am now living a completely different life, and I do not take a moment of it for granted. I also know I have myself to thank. It starts with me. 

Now I hope to help other women rise, to stand for themselves and to see that even late in the game, peace, self-love and fulfillment are possible, no matter where we start from. 

<3

One of my life goals going forward is to continue to share my story by way of writing and by opportunities for speaking, to encourage other women to find their voices, find their truth, and to live it.