Saying goodbye

Dearest, most wildly unpredictable and at times, incredibly trying year of 2017,

I bit thee farewell. I feel no sadness in this goodbye, but appreciation and a bit of relief. As the turn of the annual clock draws near, I feel part of a collective knowing that we got through some real big shit this go round.

Like the whole of life itself, this past year has been riddled with wonderful happenings, with major B.S., some pain and heartbreak, some big laughs and incredible joys.

I can barely still believe a year has gone by since (IMO) the single worst human being to hold the highest office in our country "got elected", setting us on a journey of destruction and distraction.

It's wild that just a little over 6 months ago, I married the man I'd been waiting for my whole life, surrounded and supported by friends who love us and who showed up bigger than I had ever before experienced to help create magic for our big day.

I got hit on the head - hard - and sustained a concussion this year that sent me on a journey through memory loss, great pain, emotional ups and downs and bouts of vertigo that were intense, to say the least. And, it created a song writing explosion that has manifested in Toby and I writing and recording our first album together.

I lost friends to illness and old age, I said goodbye to life-long relationships that I deemed no longer healthy. I sang and sang and sang this year. I had my heart broken by the cruelty of the world and even a few close friends. I had my heart expanded by the deep and powerful love of my tribe, my son, my husband. I had down days and high ones, I mourned losses and I celebrated my blessings.

I posted an acknowledgement of gratitude for each and every day of the year.

I ate, drank and made merry a lot.

I cried and let my pain surface and purify me. I made a new kind of peace with myself and my past.

I felt the deep kind of worry and fear that only parenthood can trigger.

I forgave, especially myself. I loved, I fought, I created, I laughed, I cried, I did the best I could with what I had and I celebrate it all.

I am hopeful to see what unfolds in 2018. Thankful for the opportunity to find out.


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